Bitnami launches ClosedStack, the next generation private cloud platform

Bitnami, the leading provider of packaged applications for the Amazon and Azure clouds has announced the launch of ClosedStack, the next-generation private cloud platform and its governing body, the ClosedStack Foundation

ClosedStack has been designed from the ground up to address the needs of antsy, threatened IT departments worldwide and provides an all-in-one solution for preventing backward-looking enterprises from having to adopt public cloud solutions.

All major platforms are supported

“We are taking private cloud to the logical next step.” mentioned Daniel Lopez, CEO of Bitnami “Although Bitnami has over 1MM new deployments every month, many on public cloud platforms, we cannot be held hostages to the opinions of the millions of developers that use our software on a daily basis. We simply could not ignore the advice of cloud pundits and slow-moving enterprise IT departments about the dangers of public cloud, so we decided to go private cloud, and go all the way”.

As part of its founding role in the foundation, Bitnami will be making all of its stacks available on the reference operating systems of ClosedStack, which include Windows 98, BeOS and MicroDOS (a soviet clone of CP/M). A mobile-focused port targeting Newton OS is in active development and expected to be released in Q3 2015

In the hardware department, Bitnami will be contributing a reference storage design based around a 16MB conference giveaway USB stick embedded in a shoe box over which 40 lbs of concrete are poured. The resulting block is energy-efficient, since there is literally no way to power it on and administrator friendly since any kind of updates is impossible as well. This makes it possible for internal IT departments to comply with the myriad of security and governance requirements that apparently are preventing them from moving to the public cloud.

Extension modules include dual-density 5 ¼ disks that can be attached via an optional dual-side Scotch tape provided by a vibrant ecosystem of partners.

ClosedStack launch partners include the governments of North Korea, Iran and Cuba. Dick Cheney has been appointed temporary Chairman until the next foundation elections which will take place on May 22nd on Pyongyang, North Korea.

Speakers Announced!

Join us for a year of fun in Pyongyang at the 2014 ClosedStack Summit.

What is ClosedStack?

ClosedStack has been designed from the ground up to address the needs of antsy, threatened IT departments worldwide and provides an all-in-one solution for preventing backward-looking enterprises from having to adopt public cloud solutions.

Register to Attend

Register Now »

Your email address & payment information will be shared with selected right wing extremist groups.

April 1st 2014 Schedule

Time Session
8:45 Doors Open - Registration and Initiation
9:00 Doors Locked - Nobody may leave from this point forward.
9:15 - 16:00 Opening Address from ClosedStack Generals
16:00

Knowing your Users

Vice Admiral Michael Rogers, Head of the NSA

16:30

Chosing the right Munitions

How to keep your data center secure.

17:00

Breakdown Sessions

Separate for individual interrogations.

17:30

Scaling your Enterprise

From solitary confinement to reeducation camps, step by step.

19:00

Managing your Minions

How to use Chef and Puppet to script your invasions.

20:00 Closing Remarks - Flying Monkeys released.